Posted 2016-07-16It’s About Time . . .
When I wrote the Time-in series nine years ago, it was intended for parents who were still new to partnership parenting and needed a non-punitive alternative to time-outs (for younger kids and toddlers). Just as a punitive time-out is a kind of “packaged” behavior control technique, a time-in is a “packaged” connection and healing technique. The packaging of connection into “time-in” isn’t really necessary, but done well it becomes a powerful healing ritual.
This week, several people asked me a question that wasn’t included in the original follow-up Q&A (part 4). They wanted to know how to do time-ins with older kids, teens, and adults. Here’s one of my responses:
Time-in can benefit children of any age and even other adults, as long as you make certain adjustments for age. The older the child, the more informal it would be. Above a certain age you probably wouldn’t even call it a time-in. You’re just taking some time to align yourself inwardly and be fully present with your child/teen/partner/friend until they start to feel centered.
In other words, just as punitive time-outs give way to more “innovative” punishments, time-ins give way to more nuanced ways of connecting.
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