Landing the Parenting Helicopter
The term “helicopter parenting” is the phrase du jour for criticizing overprotective parents, but there is no consensus as to where to draw the line between too much and not enough protection. Meanwhile, there’s little talk about changing the way we protect our children.
One very beneficial way is to shift from direct to indirect protection, i.e., supporting children’s development of their capacity for self-protection. Doing this requires parents to enact a counter-intuitive strategy: letting kids take more risks, both physical and emotional.
When parents remove all risks, children become estranged from their inner guidance — the internal voice that tells them whether a particular choice is too risky. Kids need to experience at least minor failures and injuries to understand their actual limits, not just their parents’ fears.
Improve Your Groove
Today, when you notice yourself protecting your child in a direct way (e.g., “Be careful!” “Put that down! It’s dangerous!” “Don’t upset your sister!” “You’ll get sick if you eat anymore!”), stop and consider the potential benefit of letting your child take the risk and possibly “learn the hard way.”
If death or major trauma are unlikely results, it’s time to land your helicopter and do your best to trust the process. Stay present and attuned, but don’t hover or project fear. Emanate confidence that your child can handle the challenge, including the risks.
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